Manifesting

The other day, I used EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) on the chronic feeling I've had when spending time at home. I tend to feel depressed when I come home, even if I've had a great day. So, I don't like to spend alot of waking time at home.

I assume it's because I didn't like living at home with my parents and most enjoyed when I was at school. So I made a list of the feelings and beliefs I associate with being home.

1. It's lonely at home
2. There's nothing to do here
3. It's depressing to live alone
4. It's not fun
5. I could die alone and no one would find me
6. I feel a loss of energy when I am home alone
7. There's more work waiting at home
8. I'm overwhelmed with all I have to do.
9. I hated being at home as a kid

So I started tapping on "Even though I'm afraid to come home because I won't be distracted from my sadness, I deeply love and accept myself."

This quickly turned into..."Yah, like I'm the only person who feels this way! There's lots of things I could do that'll be fun at home - paint, redecorate, play music, sit on the deck, learn to do yardwork, read, have people over for game night, have potlucks, start a book group, etc."

Then I tried, "Even though I've never made a home for myself, never felt at home in my house, I choose to explore that this year." That made me smile! I suddenly remembered that a lifelong dream of mine was to have a "salon," a cadre of artists, thinkers, writers, and assorted intellectuals over to just talk, play and think great thoughts.

So, I got up, emailed my friends and started inviting people over. So far, I've gotten 3 acceptances.

But the really synchronistic stuff didn't start happening until the weekend. I ran into a young man at the Coop, whom I'd talk to about my frozen shoulder about a year ago. He'd had the same thing, as a result of playing the piano.

He remembered me and I happily explained how I'd gotten over my frozen shoulder (another amazing synchronicity) and now was back playing my violin. He would still like to get together to play piano/violin duets, so I gave him my card. He said he would "definitely" call. I left there smiling and feeling grateful. Not fifteen minutes later I ran into my Physical Therapist who'd cured me of my frozen shoulder. He commented that he'd been meaning to call me.

Then, when I got home, I was sitting on the deck reading, when it occurred to me to get my violin out and just play outside. I was just running throught some Irish jigs and reels to entertain myself.

Within about 15 minutes my neighbor, Gilda, age 75, came over and said she plays the piano and organ and would I like to come over and play! Well, I was there for about an hour or more. I know we'll do it again!

Whee! What fun! These are exactly the kinds of things I want to be doing on my weekends.

7/30/06 Follow Up
I've been noticing that I've enjoyed being at home more. I looked back at this blog entry I see the enormous changes I've made. Now I happily invest my time, energy, money and imagination in making my house more of a home. I actually feel more peaceful being home, even if I don't talk to a single soul all weekend.

Oh, and I met Richard, my neighbor, who sits on his patio with a beer enjoying my fiddle playing!